Poop Scooping Philosopher Gifts

"I wonder how much she gets for those."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

"Hydro density appartus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

'Wow, look at all these prescription drugs that are out of date.' FLUSH 'Happy as clams explained.'

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

Everyone has a good novel inside them.

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

I guess Grandpa was once a wise king, too. He always says he does his best thinking on the throne.

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

"Poppy has left the dog kennel. I repeat Poppy has left the dog kennel...Yes, yes, we have a code brown!"

Wash hand before making sound of one hand clapping.

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

Prehistoric Graffito

Round the Clock

Nature is not perfect

'Ecce homo!'

'I am not, metaphysically speaking, as loopy as you seem to believe.'

If toilets could talk

Life's choices (Tampons and Chocolate).

They put their hands under me so I'll blow hot air. They put their hands under me so I'll run water. You don't want to know what they put in front of me so I'll flush.

'Bloody reincarnation therapy!'

Mr Meier calendar

"Your desk is in here now. After all, it's where you spend most of the working day!"

'The newspaper reckons there's a shortage of toilet paper.' - 'What would we do without newspapers?'

"I just need a few minutes with the auto-sensor to regain my illusion of control."