Urban Livestock Enthusiast Gifts

Shepard and sheep on toop of sky scaper

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Chase me, chase me cows.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

Cheesie Rider

Curse my curiosity and four stomachs!

Sick Rancher Humor

Animals flying kites patterned like their skins.

Glasses on, Crazy Cowman's secret identity was safe

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'You're stampeding yourself! You're stampeding yourself!'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

"So you found an enormous truffle and still you weren't happy."

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

Ranch Dressing

Matador Artificial Insemination.

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'For the last time, Megan, she won a blue ribbon at the Imperial Valley Fair... I mean, my hands are tied here.'

"Oh God, yes! I've been a bad cow! Such a bad, naughty cow! Again! Yes!"

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

Experimental Free Range Guinea Pigs For Sale.

Clang clang. Uncle Ernie, why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

"I went through hell to get them adopted."

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

'Pork bellies are up...'

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

"I majored in sheep with a minor in cat herding."

'I don't know if she's gonna be much good. I don't think she's even registered.'

(Omi God! Pigs in a blanket!)

'This is the Polled Texas Longhorn - the breed of the future!'

'Don't worry, I would never tell the other free range chickens you're agoraphobic.'