Upgrade Seeker Gifts

'Technology can be addictive. If the above is familiar - get help.'

'How do you do it? You don't look a day over 3G!'

"After you've wished for asitional memory, you can stop wishing for more upgrades."

STRIP Hambone: New computer out of date

Will Work For New IPad

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Pony Rides

Man feeding his computer money.

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

'I know I can't take it with me, but what about computer simulations?'

'Of course it's high in protein. Just look at this!'

"I can't stand this new hardware. It's much harder than the old hardware."

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

Hug Your Boss (Use the Opportunity for the Power of Suggestion).

"I'm Walter Grimes and I approve this drink."

'Big advantage!!'

"Gracie, can you make me soar?"

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

I don't want to buy anything. I don't want to upgrade. Watch this! What are you doing? Looking at an ad for the new Mac laptop. My heart's not racing! What's wrong with me?! It is sleek.

I can be upgraded, can you?

'This is a very innovative proposal. It can really shake things up around here. Let's not rush into making a decision too fast. I think you should gather much more information than we need to make an informed decision.'

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

'The boss seems to think you have an unhealthy obsession with upgrading your computer. You're to check into rehab on Monday.'

"They've already had two upgrades while we've been standing in line."

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

"I agree you're due for a raise, and when you leave my office, you'll still be due for a raise!"

'So you're a billionaire... Now what?' 'Have you learned to clean your room yet?'