Untidy Artist Gifts

'Don't just sit there buffering, clean up you room.'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

That's supposed to say garage sale!

Texturing the Walls

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

"Can you believe Jim made all the furniture out of old rubbish?"

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

Crap others threw out

A man looking askance at a child on a tank-like skateboard

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

'...and this is the Mess.'

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

Recycling - Perfectly good bits you can't recycle or give away...

"I didn't have a carrot so I used a fish stick for his nose."

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

'To be honest, I have my doubts about these modern dress versions.'

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'Muriel makes all her own clothes out of junk mail.'

A dog whose nose is a gun.

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"I see the radiator's Baroque again."

"I made it from a lost space probe."

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"