Unrequited Lover Gifts

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

Before pagers,mobile phones and the internet.

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

Did you miss me?

'It looks like our data.'

"Only 10,000 more years and we'll be together forever, my darling."

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

Snub Marine

Zombie Zin: The Red of the Dead

'Do you think he'll win a second term?', 'I don't know - I'm not sure I'm ready for 'Baracky II.''

I'd rather be drinking Hurricanes in New Orleans

'I don't quite know what it is... but there's something about this place gives me the creeps, Joe.'

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

"Take a parable."

Oympics 2028 Los Angeles

That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.

Karaoke. All of me ... Why not take all of me ...

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

'My wife and I have single beds, mine in London and hers in Lincoln.'

'My policy is to stay in close contact with my employees . . . figuratively speaking.'

Bob searched far and wide for his soul mate. It looked promising, aside from the language barrier and shipping costs.

'Take no notice, it's only the poltergeist. He does it for attention.'

"For some odd reason, finding some more faults makes me love L.A. even more."

'You're getting a weapons AND indecent exposure charge, son!'

Adan and Eve.

Valentine's day may be a bit different this year

Dating Do's and Don'ts

You were here, now you are lost.

"Put your profile pic on HotSquatch.com, what have you got to lose?"

"I needed someone in my life who would love me unconditionally, so I got a dog."

"I'm afraid we don't have too many openings for someone to 'smite the heart of a fair maiden'."

"In the area of human relations, Lewis is a minimalist."

You're watching the Nostalgia Channel. Based on your preoccupation with the past, we assume you're no spring chicken. Based on the fact that it's the middle of the night, we assume you're an unemployed, debt-ridden insomniac. So, you can expect a lot of commercials about illness, debt consolidation and erectile dysfunction. Enjoy the show!