Unrequited Lover Gifts

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

Before pagers,mobile phones and the internet.

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

Did you miss me?

'It looks like our data.'

"Only 10,000 more years and we'll be together forever, my darling."

Zombie Zin: The Red of the Dead

'Do you think he'll win a second term?', 'I don't know - I'm not sure I'm ready for 'Baracky II.''

I'd rather be drinking Hurricanes in New Orleans

Snub Marine

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

'I don't quite know what it is... but there's something about this place gives me the creeps, Joe.'

"Take a parable."

Oympics 2028 Los Angeles

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

'My wife and I have single beds, mine in London and hers in Lincoln.'

'My policy is to stay in close contact with my employees . . . figuratively speaking.'

Bob searched far and wide for his soul mate. It looked promising, aside from the language barrier and shipping costs.

'Take no notice, it's only the poltergeist. He does it for attention.'

"For some odd reason, finding some more faults makes me love L.A. even more."

Dating Do's and Don'ts

Adan and Eve.

Valentine's day may be a bit different this year

'You're getting a weapons AND indecent exposure charge, son!'

You were here, now you are lost.

"Put your profile pic on HotSquatch.com, what have you got to lose?"

"I'm afraid we don't have too many openings for someone to 'smite the heart of a fair maiden'."

"I needed someone in my life who would love me unconditionally, so I got a dog."

"In the area of human relations, Lewis is a minimalist."

"Do our rainbows and unicorns mean nothing to you, Renee?"