Unrequited Love Ponderer Gifts

Snub Marine

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Cellphone Islands

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

Playground reputation.

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

It'll never work - you're LED and I'm plasma.

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

Meaningful...Meaningless relationships.

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

"If you were the only man in the world, and I were the only woman. . . would we still have to diet?"

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"Oh Adam. This is the second...sorry, I mean third happiest day of my life."

'I really like him but I can't bear waiting for THE LUNGE'

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

The Good Samaritan.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

"I'm giving love one more try."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"Oh look Harold, a flower shop!"