Unrequited Love Gifts

Darlene, I have a proclamation. I've decided to let you go. Go. Marry Mel. Have a happy life. I will no longer burden you with my obsession. You could have at least waited until I finished, my little petunia. Give me a break.

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Love at First Sight

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Speed Dating for Turtles

Romance

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"When you say that love is in the air, you're referring to the smells from the food trucks, right?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"Mr. Right!"

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

I only have eyes for you

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

'I'll be darned! A nipple mood ring!'

Relationship Warning Lights

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Hug and Do a Chorus Line Kick.

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

"She's just being Koi."

"Honestly, sweetheart, you're not like the others I've been out with."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"Wow, I just love the way you waddle!"

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Love linked

"I guess opposites do attract. She's a real shaker, and he's such a grind."

You're the botanicals in my gin

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

Klimt Kiss Phones

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"