Unoffendable Sage Pillows

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

That party went well.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

Philosopher Wang Yangming, China

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

"I hope it's not contagious."

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

Having a senior moment

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

"Don't be discouraged. Do it over, monitor the results...write your paper."

How Scientists Work

'Sorry about the economy, but I never was very good at story problems.'

'Oh what's the use? You don't know the course.'

"Remember anything recently?"

The muse for letters to the editor.

'I have nothing to declare but my genius!'

"I would like to have lunch with him but he's always so out-to-lunch."