Biblical Sage Pillows

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

Don't you see, Kreutzer? That's why we have all this literature. So you won't duplicate an experiment that's already been done, and there's no reason at all why you should be duplicating Smedly's experiments. After all, he shares a lab with you.

Voltaire

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

Bishop with a crozier case.

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

Bucket List Coffee Shop - "Where Seniors Get Big Ideas!"

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

Having a senior moment