University Life Lover Gifts

'I like that we stress sports as much as academics, but I wish they wouldn't dump Gator-ade on me after getting A's.'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

Good Luck!

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

Santa does a keg stand.

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'