University Life Lovers Gifts

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

Good Luck!

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

Santa does a keg stand.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'