Uni Life Enthusiast Gifts

'It's outrageous - they don't want to be proper students like us at all - they come here to work!'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Santa does a keg stand.

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Teacher and students.

"Quit your whining... Someday you'll appreciate affordable student housing."

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

Cover Design for Cambridge ABC (Student Magazine)

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"I need a gap year."

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

"Term paper?! How do we do that? We haven't done a term paper all year!"

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

"Do you have this grant in a bigger size?"

Taser incident.

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

Trouble at med school - "Gosh, it's already my third day and I'm still sober."

The Artificial Intelligentsia

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

The Medical Student