Universe Humorist Gifts

"Don't they have those gravitational waves at the leisure centre?"

Trump has his finger on the button....

How the big bang theory came about.

'Well, I don't WANT to become one with any Universe that HE'S one with!'

'Excuse me, I'm about to take a meteor shower.'

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

God Sneezes Out Creation

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

Clown God

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Not now, Oliver."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'Mayday! Mayday! I'm in the drink!'

Science fiction fans on other planets

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

Black Hole Research Institute - Office only has IN tray - no OUT tray.

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"We've come all this way to destroy their planet only to find they're doing it themselves!!!"

"Is there someone other than Trump I can speak to? I didn't come all this way to talk to an idiot!"

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'