Unique Treatments Gifts

Acupuncture.

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

"I'm in for observation."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

In an operating theatre, a jack-in-the-box jumps our of the patients stomach

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

The Garra Rufa's idea of a Grand Day Out.

"Come quickly—I think I had an out-of-pocket experience."

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

'Is he sitting?'

'Isn't that gown cute? Those are little aortas all over it!'

'Hey doctor, how come I'm totally alone in this section?'

'I not only cured the disease, but also each and every complicating side effect...

"Frankly, I've repressed my sexuality so long I've actually forgotten what my orientation is."

"Jerry always did sip from the cup of a different brewer."

'Ethel? It's Kay! A couple of those cheap lights in the tanning bed burned out again.'

"Could I get a second opinion?"

"These won't cure your allergy, but they'll send it a message."

Doctor to man: 'We've found a mass. The good news is we have weapons of mass destruction.'

'This operation should remove the swelling in your wallet - I mean, knee.'

'I'm just checking on Ebay to see if there's any news on that liver replacement we were looking for!'

Porcupine Acupuncture

"Normally, I wouldn't care if some guy hated my guts...but he's my surgeon!"

"Would you prefer the artificial heart made by Venn-Trexx, or the generic, which costs a lot less?"