Modern Treatments Gifts

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Licensed Therapist

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Postwar is hell."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

The trauma of losing.

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Pet a Puppy

Couples' therapy

Window Treatment