Unexpected Twists Explorer T-Shirts

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"Wait, am I hear for you or are you here for me?"

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Magicians hat being pulled out of a rabbit

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

"Well, it might not work but at least it smells bad."

Marley had a little lamb

Bird Bath.

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

'J.B. Potts, Head of Research, Aerodynamics...'

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"

"The thing of it is I don't even fish!"

"Not much is known about them. They apparently, had a highly advanced, thriving civilization. Then one August, everyone left the city and never returned."

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"Scientists believe the mysterious asteroid, known as 'Oumaumau', may be a space probe, a discarded solar sail or a huge alien turd."

Myths and Other Urban Legends

'Looks like the invasion has already began...'

"All I get is a bird's eye view."

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

'How am I doing?'

Season's Greetings and a Prosperous New Year.

"This is not Easter Island. My boat sank before getting there."

Implications of the quantum wavefunction 12: 'You can never be complete safe.' Until it actually hits something a fired projectile could materialize anywhere.

"I knew it was unnatural to jump that high out of water."

"...To sum up, then, everything is illusory - Do you guys have any questions?"

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

'Good news. The DNA proves you're not guilty, you have no genetic diseases, and you're a half-brother of the Prince of Glavistan.'

"It was buried only last month, but we couldn't wait."

We discovered the original background during an x-ray. Ice cream.

'Regardless, our trip to the Upper Amazon was fine. You know David--everything has to be perfect.'

Unusual Retirement Plans