Unexpected Parenthood Gifts

"I thought you were on the pill."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

I thought you said you didn't have any children. I forgot about my youthful indiscretion and the resulting love child.

"Our trip to Ibiza was a trip of a life time alright, that's how long we'll be paying for it"

'Herbie is my substantial penalty for LATE withdrawal.'

"What the...I got a paternity suit from that scruffy poodle b***h from Inverness?!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

The Baby Walker

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

A midwife holding a baby

"She's been so creative lately."

Interior design trends for parents....

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

TAP TAP TAP TAP

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'You must be very proud Daphne.'