Expecting Parent Gifts

"And now we just relax, settle down, and smother them until they crack."

'Standard release form - in case anything goes wrong during the delivery.'

"Congratulations. She had 10,000 worker bees."

"But you must continue as a lab rat! Can't you see we have three mouths to feed?"

'Dad, did the stork bring me or did you get me in fantasy draft?'

"...and then, you see, next mother's day, I won't get one single card!"

THE OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT 'Boy, I'll bet their parents were honked off!'

"Do you ever get the feeling that maybe the baby is listening to us?"

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"Day, will you take me potty?"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'I wish you hadn't shown Daddy the lovely Mother's day present you bought me. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet!'

A mother hen pushing her baby eggs in a egg carton pram.

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

Junior Doctor.

'Sure, have some wool to keep your eggs nice and warm...'

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'... And, don't worry about his future. I'm sure my Son will give him a job, when they grow up.'

Amoeba: 'Today I'm going to sit down and have a little self-to-self talk about the reproduction process.'

The Baby Walker

Maternity ward on the farm.

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."