Expectant Parents Gifts

"At what age can we expect him to understand digital technology?"

"He's at that annoying age where they're always testing you."

Impractical Guide to having babies: 'Disposable Nappies'

'He looks a bit like both of you.'

'The tests show it's a boy.. we can't tell whether he'll vote Republican or not.'

'We call him Palace - that's where he was conceived.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

A mobile mobile.

"Not another gooseberry bush!"

Doctors talking about ways to confuse patients with jargon.

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

Minority Group Access To Assisted Reproduction.

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

'The urge to spawn comes from the desire to hear the pitter-patter of tiny fins.'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Congratulations. The ultrasound shows the baby is healthy, a boy and already knows more about technology than you."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"When people say that music can improve the babies intelligence I think they meant CLASSICAL music!"

Savion

"I think our babies are due to hatch any time soon Darling: the whole bird-watching club is camped below our nest with binoculars..."

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'He may look healthy on the outside, but he's clearly suffering from Attention deficit disorder.'

He was such a big baby the doctor wished he'd never smacked him.

"Looks like I have a choice... I wait for contractions or I bungee jump!!"

Baby swinging on the stork's beak.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: What's that stuff by the light switch?

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Get out of me!'

'It's so incredible, getting to discover the little bundle of magic hidden inside.'

'We're going to insist that he at least finish kindergarten before entering the NBA draft.'

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

'What do you mean you're going into labor, dear? It's only Saturday. Can't you wait 'til Monday?'

Seen any Decent Films Recently.

Excited about getting Gina to the hospital on the 'big day', Doug converts their car into the Stork-mobile.

'I was found guilty and got three life sentences. Didn't know they could even do that.'