Expectant Parents Pillows

"At what age can we expect him to understand digital technology?"

"He's at that annoying age where they're always testing you."

Impractical Guide to having babies: 'Disposable Nappies'

'The tests show it's a boy.. we can't tell whether he'll vote Republican or not.'

'He looks a bit like both of you.'

'We call him Palace - that's where he was conceived.'

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Doctors talking about ways to confuse patients with jargon.

Minority Group Access To Assisted Reproduction.

"Not another gooseberry bush!"

A mobile mobile.

'The urge to spawn comes from the desire to hear the pitter-patter of tiny fins.'

'He may look healthy on the outside, but he's clearly suffering from Attention deficit disorder.'

"Looks like I have a choice... I wait for contractions or I bungee jump!!"

He was such a big baby the doctor wished he'd never smacked him.

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

Baby swinging on the stork's beak.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: What's that stuff by the light switch?

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Get out of me!'

'It's so incredible, getting to discover the little bundle of magic hidden inside.'

'We're going to insist that he at least finish kindergarten before entering the NBA draft.'

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

'What do you mean you're going into labor, dear? It's only Saturday. Can't you wait 'til Monday?'

Seen any Decent Films Recently.

'I was found guilty and got three life sentences. Didn't know they could even do that.'

Baby bumper stickers

"I suppose it's too young for boarding school?"

"We're going to have a chipolata."

Ultrasound. . . AKA: Womb Zoom

Savion

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"When people say that music can improve the babies intelligence I think they meant CLASSICAL music!"