Unexpected Gift Giver Pillows

'Actually, no-one's retiring or getting married this week - it's just that I can't kick the habit.'

'-with every bottle comes our free Jujitsu course!'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Gift"

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Shouldn't have, you really."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

Shop for cats

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

WC problem.

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"This locket contains my very first username and password."

Knowing that Roger loathed the new cat, Janelle tried to win him over by knitting him a pair of boxers made out of fur balls.

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Masky Christmas!

Fast Food Menus