Underwriters Gifts

'Mr. Dumont, I'm sure you can understand our reluctance to sell flood insurance to anyone who says they're from a town called 'High River'.'

Campaign for Plain English

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

Obama Healthcare.

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

Arthur Schopenhauer

Henrik Ibsen,

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

Litterary Dogs.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack's Poetic Justice

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

Healthy Patients Only

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'