Insurance Inventor Gifts

Man about to pay his hospital bill notices a team of doctors and nurses waiting to resuscitate him.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

Obama Healthcare.

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Single Prayer Health Insurance

Healthy Patients Only

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'