Insurance Improviser Gifts

'Your account is overdue so the doctor is sending you to a specialist...our collection agency.'

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Jazz is Invented

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

"The whole thing is basically fiction. But I just thought my resume could use some spice."

Castaway with a tennis court.

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

Thesaurus Editors Applicants,Candidates,Entrants,Inquirers,Job-seekers.

"The line in the script was actually 'Woof woof,' but, when we started shooting, 'Bow wow' came out, and the rest is history."

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

'I'm from the temp agency, who are you?'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

Inflate a job!

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

Piano desk.

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'I couldn't find real fruit for your still life painting, so we'll just use these fruit roll-ups.'

"I forgot to say I was breast-fed."

"Social Security forced you to come for this interview didn't they!"

'I know we've got to save money, dear, but can't you use the phone like other people?'

'What gets me is how the actors make themselves so small!'

"I know the organ is broken, but I was kind of hoping you knew how to play the guitar."