Underwater Decorator Gifts

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Painting the Ceiling

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Face Painting.

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

'Quick, press control Z!'

Redecorating Easter Island.

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'I wanted a change in decor.'

Early cave painters

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Love your feng shui!"

Curtains haberdashery

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

Pea green

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'