Decorator Gifts

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

'Therapist is one word George!'

Painter gets stuck in the middle of a room

Using teamwork to paint a lamppost.

Ceiling Paint

D.I.Y ladder

A painter has painted himself into a tight spot and is stuck.

'This guy's FAST!'

'It says on the tin... For best results put on two coats!'

Insomniacs wanted for sheep census.

ACME Paint Pros.

'That's the color paint we need.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"I'll sue you for copyright infringement."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'As it's immoral to pay cash, I've baked you a cake.'

'You've never decorated a Christmas tree before, have you dear?'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'How are you doing on your side?'

" I can't pay you, but your work will get plenty of exposure."

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

Man painting over a computer screen.

'House calls can make you feel worse.'

Camouflage Paint.

'He can't make up his mind what colour he wants the ceiling.'

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

'He's in a class of his own - done the whole room - without moving from the chair.'

"He's fine, Ma'm."

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Man is literary plastered.