Decorator T-Shirts

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'Therapist is one word George!'

Painter gets stuck in the middle of a room

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

Using teamwork to paint a lamppost.

Ceiling Paint

A painter has painted himself into a tight spot and is stuck.

D.I.Y ladder

'This guy's FAST!'

'It says on the tin... For best results put on two coats!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'That's the color paint we need.'

ACME Paint Pros.

Insomniacs wanted for sheep census.

'As it's immoral to pay cash, I've baked you a cake.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"I'll sue you for copyright infringement."

" I can't pay you, but your work will get plenty of exposure."

'How are you doing on your side?'

'You've never decorated a Christmas tree before, have you dear?'

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

Man painting over a computer screen.

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'House calls can make you feel worse.'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

Camouflage Paint.

'He's in a class of his own - done the whole room - without moving from the chair.'

'He can't make up his mind what colour he wants the ceiling.'

"There you go luv, that�s all your spaceship wallpaper up."

"He's fine, Ma'm."

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

'This is my step ladder - I never knew my REAL ladder.'