Underwater Decorator T-Shirts

"Your dad says he's sorry. . . he'll be late for Christmas. He got hung up at work, again."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Face Painting.

'Well, back to the old drawing board.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'Quick, press control Z!'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Twitter for goldfish.'

Redecorating Easter Island.

'I wanted a change in decor.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

Pollock Painting Company

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

Curtains haberdashery

Early cave painters

Pea green

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'

"Love your feng shui!"