Unconventional Pet Caretaker Gifts

"Looks like your mother's off feeding the rats again."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"She's a miniature."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

Roget's Pet

'They sure have small litters.'

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

he used to belong to a cartoonist

Dog Food

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

Al's Teachers' Pets.

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

'Go ahead, open it. It's a ball.'

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."