Unconventional Pet Caretaker Pillows

"Looks like your mother's off feeding the rats again."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"She's a miniature."

Roget's Pet

'They sure have small litters.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

he used to belong to a cartoonist

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

Dog Food

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

Al's Teachers' Pets.

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

'Go ahead, open it. It's a ball.'

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"