Udderly Punny Person Gifts

Dairy. You're called "ruminants" because you chew your cud --- It's not an excuse to overthink everything.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Why have you called him ballpoint?"

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

'I was fixin' to fill you full o' lead, Clanton, but it looks like that there stalactite done the job for me!'

Happy Hog - Manet

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

Stud Finders: 'These don't even work!'

SCUBER

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

"Honey, I just got 't-boned' off I-80 West of Omaha!"

Noise Pollution

"Let me help you in your effort ti think INSIDE the box once again."

Literate Dogs.

"I'd like to let you go, Willy, but this is your third offense."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up this office, and you'll pay the price.'

'Inner-city kids in search of a butter life.'

'In case I forget it, I've had my name tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.'

'I think I just invented 'Rock 'n Roll'.'

Weight and Fortune.

'Do you like Indian food?' 'I have my reservations!'

Fish in gaol.

"How interesting, Mr Spladgeforth, we don't often see the Eiffel Tower made out of sausages!"

Those who say you can make order out of chaos are lousy at anagrams.

No, Ernie --- Female chipmunks aren't called chip-nuns.

The Odd Duck

"Well, well! Looks like someone's not a happy camper! Get it? Happy camper? We're camping? Happy...cam...ahem..."

"You never said your 50,000 shares were penny ones!"

'Cricket Catches (By D. Crambo, Junior.)'

"Deadly gas is escaping from Uranus!"