Punny Friend Gifts

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

he used to belong to a cartoonist

Dear Dairy

Happy Hog - Manet

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Fido phones

Stud Finders: 'These don't even work!'

"Honey, I just got 't-boned' off I-80 West of Omaha!"

'No, I don't do much flying. I'm just here for the peanuts!'

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

Blake's Sealant.

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

Wheelburrows.

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

'So, Harkness, I see that you have a very checkered background!'

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

One Winter Day In Old Moscow...

"I'm keeping you back after school!"

When it rains, rob climbs the walls

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up this office, and you'll pay the price.'

'I think I just invented 'Rock 'n Roll'.'

'Inner-city kids in search of a butter life.'