Udder Enthusiasm Gifts

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

"I go that extra mile!"

'Hey, hey, hey!'

"Mum, please jump up and down . . . I feel like a milkshake."

Yoghurt man

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

Who are you?

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'

You've got to admire his spunk.

Music. Sale Pop. Sale Bin. Wow! They're practically giving away these CD's from the 80's! Cher prices have plummeted!

'Be gentle with me!'

"I've given up on trying to improve the quality of my milk: It just ends up mixed with milk from other cows in a big vat..."

"Hey - At least it's Friday, right?"

Jumpin' Jehoshaphat's Witness. (Published previously on March 18, 2008.)

Two cows are admiring a female cow that has an extra udder - 'Hey Colin... check out Barbara's awesome moob job!'

"You can't be too rich or too thin, and we're not."

I told you before, never call me on this number!

A boy wanting another boy to share an oyster

"Looks like somebody had some 'work' done."

In pro basketball, the New Orleans Hornets were defeated by a last-second shot. Ah, a buzzer-beater buzzer-beater!

'The way I look at it, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.'

Free samples Limburger Cheese

Legs are crossed and the udders are folowing suit.

I had a very rewarding week. Weird. What? You sound almost happy, satisfied. HOJ. So strange for someone with such a meaningless, dead-end existence to find amid his personal rubble a nugget of joy. Defeat snatched from the jaws of a vague sense of contentedness. It's almost enough to give me hope.

Daniel in the Lion's Den.