Typing Skills Gifts

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Sales Secretary

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

'How many words a minute do you type?' - 'Big ones or little ones?'

Nice moves—is that an air piano or are you doing the E-Mail?"

'I can type 500 words per minute.'

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

'You must have a lot of untapped potential.'

Texting. Hardware. Software. Plans. Most of our business comes from word-of-thumb.

Secretary

Penny got carpal tunnel, and had to hunt and peck.

'I think maybe the spell checker wore out.'

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo

'I think maybe the spell checker wore out.'

Snail Writer

I confess, I'm one of the bloggers that's hurting the journalism business. You? I blog stories about my local community. You have journalistic training? Of course. I've spent years watching Shepard Smith and Montel Williams. The visitor wept with respect. Shoot me.

'See that letter from Jones and Company? Nicely typed.' - 'Good grammar too.'

'Have you considered your x-height?'

I type 90 words per minute and shred even faster!

"We haven't perfected it yet... it's still only typing with two fingers."

'Administrative positions in the Space Department require special skills.'

Hippex