Speed Typing Gifts

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

Sales Secretary

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

'How many words a minute do you type?' - 'Big ones or little ones?'

'Well done Hopkins - I hear you cleared your in tray for the first time in twenty years.'

'He's been working on 'Seven Days to Change Your Life' for 8 years and he's only reached Tuesday.'

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.

'I can type 500 words per minute.'

Nice moves—is that an air piano or are you doing the E-Mail?"

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

'This week's column is going to be about Writer's Block, and it's...'

'You must have a lot of untapped potential.'

Texting. Hardware. Software. Plans. Most of our business comes from word-of-thumb.

Secretary

Penny got carpal tunnel, and had to hunt and peck.

Girl reads a book called Speed Texting For Everyday Use

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo

'I think maybe the spell checker wore out.'

Snail Writer

"Just give me the broad strokes."

Hippex