Novice Typist Gifts

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"First time pruning?"

Someone who knows apostrophes

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"Who's the idiot who filed Phil under F?"

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

'Nice graphics.'

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

'How could Homer write The Iliad and The Odyssey with a quill pen on parchment when I can't write a memo with a computer?'

'How many words a minute do you type?' - 'Big ones or little ones?'

Just don't mention his size. He's so case-sensitive. D D d

Francis Picabia

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

Nice moves—is that an air piano or are you doing the E-Mail?"

'I can type 500 words per minute.'

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.

'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'

'I typed it that way because I thought that punctuation would just slow it down.'

The origins of bullet points.

'Can you Type?'

"The jury's still out on whether you should whisk me away to Paris."