Typing Champ Gifts

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Inclusive speech

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

We never got anything done around here until we invented verbs.

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Sales Secretary

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

'How many words a minute do you type?' - 'Big ones or little ones?'

'I can type 500 words per minute.'

Nice moves—is that an air piano or are you doing the E-Mail?"

'He's been working on 'Seven Days to Change Your Life' for 8 years and he's only reached Tuesday.'

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

'You must have a lot of untapped potential.'

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

Secretary

Monkey casino study.

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

Penny got carpal tunnel, and had to hunt and peck.

The art of fishing.

'I think maybe the spell checker wore out.'

Snail Writer

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo