Computer Champ Gifts

Inclusive speech

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Examinations.

'I wrote a software program and sold it for two million dollars.'

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'Mommy -- Jimmy just wrote his first computer virus!'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

'You don't need separate bedrooms. You need separate computers.'

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

'Darling you'll be so proud of me, I've just written my first email. Now I must rush to get it in the post.'

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

'Your mother and I are worried that all these video games might be having an effect on you.'

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

Wringing the Monitor

"Sure I won the spelling bee contest, but since everyone has spell check, no one cares!"

In case of computer breakdown break glass

'If you want to save your marriage, tell each other you're sorry.' 'Youre sorry!'

'The bad news is that we've had to inform clients of drastic cuts to services...We managed to do it in 17 languages!'

Man reading while being surrounded by TV's

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

'We're never going to sort out our marital problems like this. Can't we speak to one of your colleagues, darling?'

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Little known evolutionary steps.

"No, they're not kids on a fields trip. They're from out IT department. They seem to be getting younger and younger these days."

"Anyway, Her Royal Highness here insists I'm sarcastic."

"King me!"

'Trying to think of a word for two weeks? How about 'fortnight'?'

"If you don't want me to sound like that when I imitate you, then don't sound like that when you talk to me."

"OK, Mr. Johnson, after you take the computer out of the office toilet where you threw it, try rebooting..."