Typer Gifts

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Someone who knows apostrophes

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

Sales Secretary

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

"I think contests are good, but instead of a "find the typos" contest, you should get someone to read your text."

'How could Homer write The Iliad and The Odyssey with a quill pen on parchment when I can't write a memo with a computer?'

'How many words a minute do you type?' - 'Big ones or little ones?'

Nice moves—is that an air piano or are you doing the E-Mail?"

"I see the man who invented autocorrect has died."

Wussapalooka

"By the way, there is only one 'L' in 'over-qualified'."

'I can type 500 words per minute.'

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'