Typesetter Gifts

"Some people are reluctant to accept change."

'Before Movable Type.'

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

"How many times. . . 3.6 is not 36, so make the point BOLD!"

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Punctuation Police

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Someone who knows apostrophes

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Italica

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

Thesaurus Company

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Very good and to the point.'

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

"Who's the idiot who filed Phil under F?"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'