Twisted Trekker Gifts

Man with twisted legs using a twisted walking stick.

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

School trip little porters.

'We can probably make Mars in one day.'

'I need it for my electric blanket.'

'How come they know where we are when we don't.'

"Does the No. 1 stop here and does that go to Penn Station and can I get a train there to Philadelphia and then how do I get to Walnut Street?"

"You're doing great - keep it up."

"I warned you about those contortions, Mr. Dershowitz."

Gym: Back and Forth or Going Nowhere.

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'

"Courtney: Raised by hamsters"

The festive season brings it's own interesting little chores...and well earned rewards.

"Well Carter, according to the map, this is where the Rainforest begins."

A woman rides a treadmill as she chases a cookie jar on a refridgerator.

Champagne area.

Not in. Take 1 aspirin and call in morning.

'Oh, great! We've been going round in right-angled triangle.'

"I got the box set to binge later."

"Honey ... let’s never ... ever ... do this ... again."

'About this trip to the Amazon jungle...I want my money back!'

Yeoman of the Guard

'The meaning of life? Sorry, kid, you're on the wrong mountain - I'm the guru of handy household tips!'

'This is going to take me a while.'

"You and your 'The fresh air will be intoxicating'!"

"Hey, you're not my Joey!"

Mountaineering.

"Wipe the treadmill after you've been stampeding!"

Forget The Diet And Bake Zum Pies!

"Alright, I'll get you over the Alps, but I want stock options and cash bonus."

Training for a speech

Would you please stop saying, "It's the journey, not the destination"?

'Get right back down there and wipe those feet!'

"Sorry - no old bags on seats...!"