Tweetaholic Pillows

'What am I thinking? Don't you read my Tweets?'

Twitter addict.

"Blood pressure, respiration erratic, but his tweeting is reassuringly stable."

"#My #name #is #Mike #and #I #am #addicted #to #Twitter."

"He must be mellowing! Instead of raining down death and destruction when he's angry, now he just sends mean tweets!"

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

Text Culture

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

Bird Tweet.

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

"Jeremy and I are so in sync, we finish each other's tweets."

'It's a tweet from Maid Marian.'

Shouting

"When did tweeting become such an angry thing?"

'Wow, these messages are even shorter than twitter tweets.'

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

'Them's fightin' tweets!'

If a tree falls in the forest but there's no hashtag for it ...

"It was his tweets I fell in love with first!"

"So then I thought...who needs speech writers when I can just recite all my old tweets!"

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

"When I Say Tweet, You Say Tweet!"

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be taken out of context and put on Twitter and then it'll be a whole thing."

My Fair Lady Twitter

Tweet

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.

The twittering president.