Tv Writer Gifts

Write a Screenplay

"People, we're writing a reality show. Use some imagination!"

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

TV Program Development Dept. Another "Star Trek" series? What happened to going where no one has gone before?

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"All the world's a sitcom and we are but the uncredited extras."

Dept of Dumbing Down

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Bond James, Bond."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Copycats

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."