Tv Writing Aficionado Gifts

"... but when the broadcasting company sent him $5,000 for his first script we laughed out of the other side of our mouths."

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

Herman Mankiewicz

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Love is when you watch television together.

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Enough already. It's a car, not a transporter.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

100 best beheadings

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Succession 2

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"He's an indoor cat."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"To be honest, I'm leaving public service so I can make some real money as a talking head on a cable news network."

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

How the goat got square eyes.

"I'm looking for a wife who likes to fish, go to the footy, play cards, watch TV, cook, drink and wash dirty socks."

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

Couch and Potato

'Could you pass me my - oh thankyou.'

Dip Pen

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."