Screenwriting Aficionado Gifts

"Sam, this is Arnie. Arnie will be adapting your screenplay into a jumble wordsearch puzzle."

Herman Mankiewicz

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Bloody hell!"

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

Jacques et Jille

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Binary Man

Hollywood producer.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Dip Pen

Hollywood producer.

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

"Great money scenes!"

Puss in Heels

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"What's the problem? I said dinner and a movie."

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"The narrative seems contrived."