Screenwriting Aficionado Gifts

"Sam, this is Arnie. Arnie will be adapting your screenplay into a jumble wordsearch puzzle."

Herman Mankiewicz

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Bloody hell!"

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Jacques et Jille

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Binary Man

Hollywood producer.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

Hollywood producer.

Dip Pen

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

Quentin Tarantino

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

Puss in Heels

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Great money scenes!"

"What's the problem? I said dinner and a movie."

"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"