Screenplay Aficionado Gifts

"You each have a job to do and I want you to give it your best as we read my screenplay."

Herman Mankiewicz

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Where was the TSA?'

'There's nothing on.'

"Bloody hell!"

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

Jacques et Jille

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Binge Watch

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

Binary Man

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

Quentin Tarantino

Hollywood producer.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

A man looking at a piece of art through a phone camera

Puss in Heels

"Now all we need is a good script."

"Great money scenes!"

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

Ernie is a documentary filmmaker who tells stories of folks in their professional lives -- I think he should wonk on his film titles more. One film looked at the surprisingly competitive cutthroat world of the dry cleaning business. "The Hanger Games." In another, we see astronomers traveling to remote locations to escape light pollution. "The Dark Night." Ernie showed us the bond among young butchers in an increasingly vegan world. "Stand by Meat"! And he told us the story of a man who i

Irvine Welsh

"I've never been this excited about an anal probe before!"

"... and your great great grand father lost the race but the it was discovered the tortoise was on stéroids."

The three Musketeers give a PowerPoint.