Tv Tuner Gifts

"I'm not a chewer. Chewing the cable cord is the only way I can get him to stop watching TV and spend a few minutes with me."

"How come you have this sudden interest in sport?"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

Binge Watch

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you sit through overtime?"

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

'Why do I have to do this? -- Violins never solve anything!'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

'...According to the survey, Canadians prefer the doggie style positions, so the can both keep watching the Hockey game...'

"Good morning - your neighbours have asked me to come and tune your piano."

'SSHHH, PIANOS. TWO GRANDS AND A BABY. ONE HAS THE LID UP AND THE OTHER ONE IS BARING ITS KEYS. BETTER GET THE CELLO.'

Ostrich TV.

'Don't worry, the first 30 years working as a sound engineer are the hardest.'

"Norm, the piano tuna is here!"

TV announcement: 'The Consumer Product Safety Commission today announced the recall of all E-Z Reclino-Mat chairs sold between ...'

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

'Oh, that's out piano tuna.'

Piano-Tuning Bar

Piano tuning shop in desert - "Ok, so I'll do a bit more market research next time."

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

'Bush said Iraq is NOT in a civil war because there have been no sightings of 'Union' or 'Confederate' army flags.'

Space alien enters TV store to have his antennas adjusted.

"He responds so enthusiastically to music, we sometimes wonder if he'll grow up to be an entirely average person who enjoys music."

"Norm, the piano tuna is here!"

'Tuna's here John.'

Straightening up.

Is TV Dumbing Down? PRESS ON SWITCH

'Why do they call them 'soaps'? All they do is dig up dirt.'

'The shows will look the same, but the commercials appear in 3-D high definition.'