Tv Sensationalists Gifts

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

How I met your mother

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

Gogglebollox: Our Queen at 90

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'We just received a radio signal from Tau-Upsilon that was utter drivel. Do you suppose it was one of their TV shows?'

"According to the Times, the cartoonist drew my right hand wrong."

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"And now a special report from 'News 4' Science Editor, Dr. Frank Lovell, on how to remove your own gallbladder."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Sean Hannity?'

"The media should...keep its mouth shut and just listen for awhile."

Down with canned laughter.

'...And now it's time for today's celebrity hissy-fit....'

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

'...And now, it's time for the news, sports, weather and bimbos.'

'so let me get this straight... you're famous for being the sister of the wife of a man who went to school with someone who knew someone else who is already famous?'

Congestion Eases Inexplicably

Pretty Soon: Increasingly dim TV newscasters will need help knowing what emotions to convey when they are 'reporting'.

Go To Sleep Britain...

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

"I own 60% of your image rights. Which means you have to pay me ten quid every time you look in the mirror."

"I've been reformatted for television."

"...now it's time for a round up of our national sports - soccer, cricket, and knocking the BBC...."