Tv Sensationalists Prints

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

How I met your mother

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

Gogglebollox: Our Queen at 90

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'We just received a radio signal from Tau-Upsilon that was utter drivel. Do you suppose it was one of their TV shows?'

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"According to the Times, the cartoonist drew my right hand wrong."

"And now a special report from 'News 4' Science Editor, Dr. Frank Lovell, on how to remove your own gallbladder."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'...And now it's time for today's celebrity hissy-fit....'

"The media should...keep its mouth shut and just listen for awhile."

Down with canned laughter.

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Sean Hannity?'

And now it's time for "Critic's Corner." Today, Gene will criticize the basic structure of the universe.

'...And now, it's time for the news, sports, weather and bimbos.'

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

'so let me get this straight... you're famous for being the sister of the wife of a man who went to school with someone who knew someone else who is already famous?'

Congestion Eases Inexplicably

"...now it's time for a round up of our national sports - soccer, cricket, and knocking the BBC...."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Joy Behar?'

Go To Sleep Britain...

Pretty Soon: Increasingly dim TV newscasters will need help knowing what emotions to convey when they are 'reporting'.

The Mighty Wotizzit?! Part 12

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

"I own 60% of your image rights. Which means you have to pay me ten quid every time you look in the mirror."