Media Satirist Gifts

'so let me get this straight... you're famous for being the sister of the wife of a man who went to school with someone who knew someone else who is already famous?'

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

'Would you like to appear on our new show - Hoodie you think you are...?'

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'Let's not waste out time watching this show. It has no redeeming value. I'll record it.'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

Pretty Soon: Increasingly dim TV newscasters will need help knowing what emotions to convey when they are 'reporting'.

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'Dinosaur extinction'. . . Typical 'fake news'!

"The media should...keep its mouth shut and just listen for awhile."

"Let us sing Hymn 564 which, incidentally, has recently been sampled for use in a popular bladder-control commercial."

Your call is important to us and for accuracy will be recorded so it can be reported... please continue to dial

'Stan could be a pundit. He never knows what he's talking about either!'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Joy Behar?'

'I don't think we missed much while we were hibernating: The newspapers' front pages are still devoted to sport and reality TV...'

'I just had an insight. I like gratuitous violence!'

TV kills white rats!

"Great DVD extras!"

'...And now it's time for today's celebrity hissy-fit....'

'We'll be maintaining our News coverage...but the news will mainly be about tits.'

The Mighty Wotizzit?! Part 12

"Cable news. Where journalism goes to die!"

'...And now, it's time for the news, sports, weather and bimbos.'

'It's a new Rupert Murdoch production -- the 'Things You're Better Off Not Knowing' channel.'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"According to the Times, the cartoonist drew my right hand wrong."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"You're fired."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Torturing the English Language